


Hoggy Warty Hogwarts

by rhymeswithpicard



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-02
Updated: 2016-12-02
Packaged: 2018-09-02 17:29:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8676355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rhymeswithpicard/pseuds/rhymeswithpicard
Summary: Believe it or not, Harry, Hermione, and Ron were getting a magical education in between near death expierences.





	1. Monday Morning Potions

**Author's Note:**

> The schedule I'm going off of for this is the first one on this page: http://harrypotter.wikia.com/wiki/First_year.

_Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy Warty Hogwarts,_  
_Teach us something please,_  
_Whether we be old and bald,_  
_Or young with scabby knees,_  
_Our heads could do with filling,_  
_With some interesting stuff,_  
_For now they're bare and full of air,_  
_Dead flies and bits of fluff,_  
_So teach us things worth knowing,_  
_Bring back what we've forgot,_  
_Just do your best, we'll do the rest,  
_ _And learn until our brains all rot._

* * *

 Harry walked into the dungeon anxiously. Why wasn't Professor Snape there? Was he waiting to ambush the class? Would he jump out the moment that everyone in the class had settled in? Harry walked into the classroom and took his seat, looking around the room with wide eyes.

Professor Snape walked in a few moments later and began talking about how potion making was an art and that he would not allow this class to "befoul it with their reckless wand-waving" all of this made Harry think of Snape as a rather stuck up man.

When Harry told Fred and George about his class later that night they howled with laughter and Fred even fell out of the armchair he had been sitting in.

Snape had them brew a Cure for Boils and despite the fact that they had grown up in Wizarding families, Neville and Ron's potions had been varying degrees of disastrous what with Ron accidentally dropping Scabbers in his cauldron and giving the poor rat a nasty case of boils and Neville practically falling into his cauldron in what would henceforth be called the Boils Incident by all who were present, due to fallout area of Neville's overturned cauldron.

Perhaps that mishap had been the catalyst in Snape's somewhat hatred of Neville, perhaps it had been just one of many incidents that had caused Snape to hold Neville in disdain. All that was known for sure was that after that first class, Severus Snape never once spoke to or even looked at Neville without a sneer.

One of the few good things that had come out of that first lesson with Snape was a nightly tradition of Harry and Ron telling Fred and George about any odd or funny things that had happened in their classes while they sat by the roaring fire in the Gryffindor Common Room. Overtime, others would gather to hear about the two first years' opinions of their teachers and their lessons; along with stories of Seamus blowing up everything no matter what it was and Neville bumping into things or inadvertently causing others pain and/or annoyance.


	2. Boring Binns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry learns what George meant by his snoring when Fred talked about History of Magic.

"Are you writing an _essay_ Fred?" Ron asked in disbelief, mouth full of chocolate.

Fred looked up from the piece of parchment he was writing on. "Yes Ronald. Believe it or not I do homework sometimes."

"No you don't." Ron accused. "Mum always sends you Howlers because you never hand anything in. What are you actually doing?"

Fred and George turned to each other. "Oh dear, you've found us out. Fred isn't writing our essays for History of Magic. He's actually writing out our plan for world domination." George began.

"You see," Fred continued. "Our lives passion has always been to be exactly like You-Know-Who."

"We've just always admired the way he killed everyone and tried to take over the Wizarding _and_ Muggle worlds." They said together.

"Just revolutionary stuff Ron." George said, feigning wistfulness.

"Pure genius" Fred declared with a tear rolling down his cheek.

"Did that answer your question?" The twins asked in unison.

"How can you support You-Know-Who?' Ron asked angrily.

"Ron, You are denser than a bag of Galleons held by a Mountain Troll." Fred said.

"Fred is writing our essays for History of Magic. Mum said she'd write to McGonagall about banning us from the Quidditch Team until we get our grades up." George explained.

"Otherwise we wouldn't even be going to that snooze fest." Fred added.

"Is History of Magic really that bad?" Harry asked.

"Well Harry, considering that the Start-Of-Term Feast just ended and we already have an essay due tomorrow; yes. It really is that bad." Fred answered.

George than began to fake snore.

* * *

Fred and George were not wrong about History of Magic being boring. Not only did Professor Binns drone on about the founding of Hogwarts for the full hour of the class, but he was also dead. Professor Binns was an actual Ghost.

The only student who actually paid any attention whatsoever to the class was Hermione, who was furiously taking notes and cross referencing them in _Hogwarts: A History_. Most of the class just took a nap and halfheartedly declared that they'd take notes out of their textbooks later, the only students who ever actually did this were Ravenclaws and Hermione.

"Now, the four founders of Hogwarts did not actually meet until Salazar Slytherin and Godric Gryffindor met each other in a pub. Gryffindor made the drunken decision to challenge Slytherin to a duel which Gryffindor lost when he inadvertantly used a Disarming Charm on himself." Professor Binns droned in his monotone voice.

Harry was in awe of the fact that even a duel could be made boring by Professor Binns.

 _'Magic_ _school was supposed to be exciting.'_ Harry thought.  _'This is more boring than the cupboard under the stairs.'_

Harry turned to the large window and began to count the owls flying about the Owlery. Slowly, he drifted off until the hubbub of chairs scraping and fellow students chatting woke him up.

Harry yawned and stretched his arms before grabbing his knapsack and heading to his next class.

 

 


End file.
